Five Ways to a Great Relationship

     Many  people think good relationships just happen or that people are just "lucky in love". I believe you create good relationships by the choices you make in the ways you relate. Listed below are five things that help relationships in general and that can make an OK relationship GREAT:

• Good Times: When did you stop dancing? When did you stop laughing? Even serious moments can be seen as funny at least some of the time. Dr. John Gottman in his research on why marriages succeed and fail found that couples should strive for five positive interactions to every negative interaction. Most couples in troubled relationships are focusing on what isn't working rather than intentionally making interactions positive and fun.
• Real Connection: Real connection means slowing down, way down, even if only for a minute or so, making good eye contact, taking a deep breath, not talking, coming all the way into your body, and really seeing your partner -- and letting yourself be seen. Try this as you say good-bye or hello.

• Expressing Emotions: This doesn't mean being angry or hysterical, but rather letting your partner see that you are excited, sad, puzzled, confused, happy, delighted, etc. about what's going on in your life. We relate to each other emotionally, emotions are the velcro of connection, without emotion there is nothing to stick to!

• Ask for what you want: Many people get into the habit of complaining when really all they have to do is ask. Think about it, any complaint is really just a different way of expressing a desire or need. Next time your about to complain to your partner, stop for a moment and consider asking for what you want -- nicely, of course.

• Time Alone: The poet Kahil Gibran says it best in the essay entitled "Marriage" from his book The Prophet:

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.